


Unacceptable

by haku23



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Crack, Drabble, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-14
Updated: 2012-10-14
Packaged: 2017-11-16 07:33:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/537040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haku23/pseuds/haku23
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil Coulson puts his knowledge from Supernanny to proper use.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unacceptable

“You can go on the naughty step.” 

Tony isn't one to pay attention to well, anyone when they're giving him orders, but he'd distinctly heard naughty in that sentence. “And...that is...?? Wait, let me google it.” 

Coulson nodded to one of his SHIELD goons who lifted Tony out of his chair and carried him to the set of stairs leading up to civilization which was still overrated in Tony's opinion.

“Uh okay, pretty sure I never authorized anyone lifting me I have a heart condition I could die and it would be on your conscience how do you feel about that, Agent?” he's convinced that Coulson's first name is Agent. It makes sense. No one can tell him differently and he stands to go tell said man so when he's picked up and brought back to the stairs. 

“Your behaviour is unacceptable. That's 40 minutes on the stairs.”

“That's funny because there's nothing holding me here,” he demonstrates the lack of rope or something tethering him to the stairs by running up a couple then running back down them, “and you have a funny definition of unacceptable because I'm pretty sure I've never been acceptable. Weird time to start enforcing these so called rules now is all I'm saying.” 

“Be quiet, Stark.”

“How about...I don't know...No? I have work to do here, Coulson, so unless there's a point to this little game I'd like to get back to it before Pepper castrates me.” 

He gets ignored. Coulson is ignoring him. That doesn't even make any sense. “I'm not sitting here for 40 minutes.” 

Silence.

“I'm calling Pepper.” Pepper is ignoring his call which makes him think she's in on this which isn't exactly far fetched because she and Agent are apparently the bestest of pals. “I'm calling Rhodey.” No answer either probably due to the fact that Rhodey is doing Top Secret Stuff that Tony is never allowed to know about. “I'm calling Steve.” 

“Captain Rogers has been instructed not to answer your calls while you're on the naughty step.”

“You know what? Fine. See how many fucks I give.”

Coulson is using his TV to watch his stupid nanny show. That's practically criminal misuse-who really uses such highly developed technology to watch some British lady talk to kids about why they're bad? One of those misbehavers had clearly been some sort of genius with his use of spitballs what kind of horrible, genius-repressing show was this? 

“Coulson.” 

Of course no answer well that's fine because he's got 39 more minutes to figure out a way to crack him. 

~~**~~  
“I heard he's got Stark on the 'naughty step',” Clint smirks and badly imitates an English accent, “surprised he managed it without blowing up the house or anything.” 

Steve mouth turns down in a frown-discipline is important of course but he's not sure using tactics normally made for 4 year olds should be utilized on someone Tony's age. No matter how bad he indeed was. Nevertheless Steve had agreed not to interfere. “It's not a laughing matter, Barton.” 

“I think you missed the memo on that one, Cap because this is hilarious.” 

“I'm going to talk to Coulson.” 

“If he's watching Supernanny seriously, don't bother him,” the look on Hawkeye's face makes him believe that he's not just saying that however he isn't about to not question the entire process just because Agent Coulson is well...a little bit strange. 

He makes his way downstairs, Tony's voice audible from the hallway before the staircase leading to the lab then runs into the man himself actually sitting on the stairs. Yelling “Coulson” in various intonations and at levels of volume but still sitting where he had been exiled to. 

“Coulso-Steve! Thank god, he's trying to make me sit here for 40 minutes it's already been twenty I think I'm dying but he won't listen to me STEVE HE'S USING MY GOOD MONITORS TO WATCH FILTH!”

“I don't think I'm supposed to be talking to you...”

“No, no you can't do this. I'll build you 8 bikes, I'll suck your dick, I'll do anything just make him let me off of this step!” 

Tony is giving him a good impression of a kicked dog with his huge eyes pleading along with his mouth. Really, he should've been on one of those poor sick, dying, animals commercials. His resolve shouldn't have melted but it does and he's pretty sure Tony can see the exact second when Steve's heart liquifies. 

“I'll be good.”

“...I'll talk to him but only because I was already planning on it.”

“I love you. I mean it.” 

“Sure, Tony.” 

Coulson is indeed watching Supernanny(he recognizes the accent and the unasseptable) but Steve interrupts anyway. If Coulson was going to introduce new methods of preventing insubordination or Tony accidentally killing himself via computer then he had to be up to discussing it frequently. 

“What do you-Oh. Hi...Cap.” 

There's a hint of 'oh my god Captain America is talking to me again how can this day get any better' in his tone which Steve steadfastly ignores just to be nice. “I was wondering if you would be up to talking about the whole...” he gestures to Tony with a smile.

“Not up for discussion.”

“And why is that?” 

He hears Tony yelling “that's the Captain America tone you're in trouble, Agent!” and ignores that too.

“Because you're biased, Captain Rogers. Punishment should be handed out by an impartial party and I'm that person.”

“I'm not biased, I just think that this is a bit ridiculous.”

“You could always join Stark on the naughty step as a research method,” Coulson's eyes didn't leave the monitor. Hell, he hadn't even paused the episode. 

“...Are you...putting me in timeout?” 

“You could see it like that.”

“You can't put Captain America in time out!” Tony called, “but the dark side does have cookies. Well, not really cookies but there's me.”

He joined Tony on the naughty step, “so how long am I here for?” 

“90 minutes. One for every year of your age.”

“I see.”

“If it means anything I don't think you were very naughty,” Tony is smirking now, eyes more Marilyn Monroe than puppy in a cage, “I might know a thing or two about that.” 

“I don't think now is the time.” 

“It's always the time.” 

“Tony.” 

“Steve.”

Steve frowns. Tony waggles his eyebrows. Coulson continues watching Supernanny. 

“Come on, no one's watching. We have to actually make these steps live up to their name.”

“I'm not ...having ...you know... with you on these stairs, Tony.” 

“Never said anything about that but thank you for that insight into your filthy mind, Steve, really, I appreciate it....So making out is fine. Hypothetically. In a hypothetical situation where we made out of the naughty stairs to make them naughty.”

Steve rolls his eyes.

“I'm taking that as a ye~es.”

“Fine.” 

Coulson never uses the naughty step method again.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this awhile ago but I figured I may as well put it up cause well, nothing's stopping me? But yep. Thanks for reading! :'D


End file.
